hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Green mimosas i think yes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
