I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
