scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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