wrigley field is MILF paradise
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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