oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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