if i can run in heels then i can drive
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
