Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
