And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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