Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
