my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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