Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
