You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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