I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
