She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
