he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
