I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My breasts were aching with rage.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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