i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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