I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
