i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
