First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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