so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
