When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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