roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
