I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
