I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm determined to sit on that face.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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