Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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