remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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