Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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