Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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