i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
