I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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