put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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