he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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