Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
