and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is my gift to your gina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
