Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
