i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
