i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
