Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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