C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
