Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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