Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
