The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
