So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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