i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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