she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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