You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
