There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
