Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
