Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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