moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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