ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
